19 Oktober 2008


I hesitated to write this posting for quite sometime. Not because it's embarassing or anything (well, depend on how you see it, hehe), but because it involves how I feel about some of my friends, which can lead to misunderstanding. But anyway, here goes.

It started with the stupid tagging game. Take a look at number 10 that I wrote oh-so-proudly.
I stop using other's parameter for judging my life and feel happy ever since
Now, just leave it like that.

Earlier this week, a good friend of mine announced that he's married. And I was, you know, kind of upset. Or very upset. I don't know.

Upset. Strange.

It's not that he's my ex or I had feeling for him or anything. Nothing like that. And he told me that he was getting married, so it shouldn't be a big surprise.

Then it hits me. I was jealous that he's married. And I'm not. While I probably should. Or expected to. Whatever.

But what about the stop-using-other's-parameter-blah?

Maybe I didn't really mean that. I just wrote that because it sounds brave. Or as Rangga told Cinta, prinsipil.

Or maybe even worse. Maybe I thought that my life was better than him. I thought he messed up, so I can't accept when he's married. And I'm not.

The second hit. Maybe I don't stop using other's parameter to judge my life. Maybe I just look upon those whose life (I thought) is messier than me, so I can feel happy about myself.

At that point I was a jealous unmarried girl who felt bad about herself and her feeling toward her friends.

But then, Heidy replied to the useless prinsipil.
t'Rani.... itu kata-kata terngiang-ngiang2 terus dlm kepalaku...huks...so inspiring ^_^
From all the stupid things that I wrote, from all my friends who can reply, she replied that.

And I started to laugh. At myself. GOD IS THE BEST COMEDY WRITER!
Fabiayyi alaa'i rabbikumaa tukaddzibaan
Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?
-You read this, right? Do forgive me for I don't know what. I am sincerely happy for you and wishing you all the best, for now and always. Can you consider this as a gift, so I don't have to prepare angpao? I will miss the makan-makan anyway :D

7 komentar:

  1. I don't think there's anyone who can relate to how you feel (according to my interpretation of this post of yours) better than me. When I read that #10 point, I thought, gosh, Rani's so lucky cos she can do what I've been telling myself to do, that is not to compare bla bla bla..

    And I just had a quality chat with a friend of ours as well (mesin95 tinggi kurus siapa hayo tebak) about the envy that I have towards others, and the conclusion is that famous line we're all familiar with but seem to still hard to comprehend: The grass on the other side is always greener.

    That pretty much explains (a part of) my post to which you commented "mau 'makan' vir?" a few days ago (or was it yesterday?).

    And a while ago I almost plurked "How do you get rid of envy?", but I held back simply 'cos I wanted to keep up-on-the-surface with my Plurk :P

    Ah Ran.. if only I could turn back time.. (lho?)

  2. It's always 2 things, right? The so-called social pressure and the one from within. We can call it envy.

    Most of the time I can ignore what other people say/think (or I think they think) about me. And most of the time I'm happy with what I am, what I have, and what I've accomplished, for just they are (not compare with others'). But in this case, I failed both, and they're amplifying each other.

    Tapi kayak2nya yg kedua ituh yang lebih penting, iya ngga Vir? Perasaan gue si, semakin tua (halah), semakin kebal terhadap iri. Mungkin karena kita ngerasa dah punya accomplishment sendiri. But once you sink, you sink deep.

    btw, if you could turn back time meaning... who? *wink*

  3. "Perasaan gue si, semakin tua (halah), semakin kebal terhadap iri. Mungkin karena kita ngerasa dah punya accomplishment sendiri. But once you sink, you sink deep." ------>>>> setuju bangeeett...

    yah..bukan 'who' aja sih Ran.. 'what'nya juga banyak... hehe..
    Sometimes I feel as if I would've accomplished so much more and be happy / satisfied a lot more if I had done this and that differently in the past..
    but.. wise men said.. 'mungkin memang udah jalannya begini.. mungkin setiap hal ada maksudnya'.. (wise atau nghibur diri aja itu ya..? )

    wah.. jadi juga nih Ran kita 'makan' lewat blog comments gini.. hahahahaha....

  4. the recently married man20/10/08 17:12

    Yes, I read it. Thank you, thank you. Well, I just feel that I chose to "top using other's parameter for judging my life..." and so on because I have no other choice. ;p

    As you say, I messed up, yes, but now I can only say that those blunders made me what I am now: a neurotic husband. Lhah...

  5. Dear T'Rani,

    I hesitated to write comment on this posting. Not because any uneasy feeling, but...ehrm. I just really don't know what to say :)

    Well, forgive me…for not being able to find any reason to say sorry (should I?).

    But i guess, i need to say many thanks. Thank you again for those words u wrote in number#10, afterall it really is inspiring for me..till now. And thank you for the contemplation. Because of that, i did mine. Subhanallah Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar.

    And I sincerely hope..u'll be one what u said in number #10. Always.

    forever fans,

  6. Heidy, saya lega akhirnya kamu komen juga, hehehe :D

    Makasi doanya :)

    :D this is my "quote of the month", thanks. Made me laugh. :D