25 Oktober 2008

379

Mati Ketawa Cara Rusia (Indonesian translation of Russian Dies Laughing) is the first joke book I've ever read and without a doubt the best. I first read it when I was in elementary school and still couldn't understand some jokes. Years after, that book still made me laugh out loud. When I started get in touch with the internet, I found bunch of internet jokes which IMHO are just rip-off from those of that book. And bad rip-offs too. Of course, later in life I have to face the fact that jokes are ripped off, modified, recycled, and even made into comedy sketches.

Chat with Bondy the other day about evolution of spam reminds me that somehow, jokes are also evolved. I think even Oom Adnan will agree on this.
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
Roby sent this to ISA mailing list a couple of weeks ago. I remember that I had received the same joke, with slightly different ending. Fast googling and, voila!
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic, and will not freeze.

This student received the only A.
Analyzing these jokes, it's funny that they give the same answer (exothermic) from different fact (the state of temperature in hell), so one of them must be wrong. I further google and found two other variations with endothermic as the answer.

I don't know how this joke can evolve this way. I mean, getting laid and not does make a difference so there's a need of creativity somewhere to make another version. But the rest is merely just copy-paste work.

So which one is the original? In my opinion, it most likely the second one, because it's kind of 'rough' and, at some point, honest. But the most important thing, it's thermodynamically incorrect! (Which is a bit weird because the author had managed to derive a thorough explanation but made a mistake on the conclusion, oh well...) So probably someone feel irritated and wrote the correct version.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then number 2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and will not freeze over.

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
Then someone thought, what if the poor student succeeded to hit on that Miss Teresa?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman Year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Which is a little bit funnier, but the author forgot some basics of thermodynamics. So someone came up with the first version in the beginning of this post. Finally, the poor lucky student get laid and give the correct answer at the same time. Therefore he deserved an A+. Score!

PS: Someone with initial J.I.M. wrote the rather unpublished version
If we accept the postulate given to me by Desi Ratnasari during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student did not pass the course.

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